This is the first time I have written about this online. I don’t consider this blog to really be ‘public’, as the most frequent visits this site receives (as is the case with many) are search engine crawlers, so in turn I have little concern that writing something here will result in this news being shared elsewhere.
We learned in early January that Heather was pregnant, something for which we had been hoping for now for quite some time. My initial reaction was I think one of shock, which lasted (I’ll be fair) a couple weeks, which felt like months to me – and I can only imagine what it was like for Heather.
Time seamed to grind to a snails pace after we found out (at least it did for me).
Once the initial shock passed me, I could mentally digest it.
I’m going to be a Dad!
Holy Crap…I’m going to be a Dad…
In no way my secondary review of this statement a negative one, but more one of reflection and consideration.
Am I ready for this?
Will I be a good father?
What school should they go to?
Should we move somewhere else so they can go to another school?
My child will never play that video game…
Cloth Diapers or Disposables..??
How do you properly hold a baby..?? Oh my god, I don’t know how…!!!
These were only a small sample of the list of statements and questions which I started asking myself, and thinking about, and obsessing over.
A couple weeks after we found out, we had dinner with some very close friends of ours. They have two beautiful daughters, one of whom at the time was only 1 month old, and it was the first time since I was a child (probably with my baby sister) that I had held a new born. It was in that moment, that I concluded:
- I am not ready for this (is anyone truly ready), but I will do all that I can to prepare for the day when our child is born, and I will do all that I can for them each and every day forward from that point.
- I do not know how to hold a baby, at all. People say “just hold it like a football”, no – that doesn’t work with my instinct, for this cargo is far more precious.
In fairness to my conclusions above, they were both after I had held the the aforementioned for about a half hour, during which she cried for approximately 29 minutes of that time. However, after that evening, I concluded two other points that I will close with:
- I may not be ready for this, but I am ready for it to begin and I will do all I can to be the best Dad I can be, and I should only hope to be half the Dad my own father has been to myself, my sister, and both of our spouses.
- I may not know how to hold a baby today, but I will learn and I look forward to learning.